i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
