maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
