I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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