no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
