is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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