Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Dear god my vagina.
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