plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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