I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
