# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
