she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize