One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
