Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
