that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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