We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
