So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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