She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
