Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
