I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
