i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My life is pants optional.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
