While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
