meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
