Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
