The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
