Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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