he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
