there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
