Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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