shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
