Can Purell be used as lube?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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