hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my shit smells like andre
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
