I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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