my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
