You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
