Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
