A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
