If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
