I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
