Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
