We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
