Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize