is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
