I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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