Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is the high leading the old right now
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
