Yo dont text me then not text me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
