i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
