Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
