Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
