it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
