Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
