If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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