Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
