I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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