im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
