So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
