I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
