i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
