I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
