thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
