I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
