I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
