im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize