My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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