Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
