ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
