how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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