You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
