break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
