Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just invented taco cereal.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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