he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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