people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
