But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
