the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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